I recently came home from four months in the tropics to a broken air conditioner. Now, for a spindly southerner who’s been sitting around naked sweating off water weight for a semester, this was all fine and dandy. Midwestern American spring is breezy, shady and mild compared to weather in which, even sitting inside, one is wiping sweat off one’s upper lip all day, every day.
But most Americans don’t experience that, not just because they live where it’s a comfortable 75 degrees out, but because we in the West have legendary climate control.
Much of my family is heavier than I am (which isn’t really saying much), and while I spent the earliest years of my life in Tennessee, they’ve mostly grown up in central Illinois. They like it cold. Cold. Because to me, having the AC at 72 degrees is akin to sitting on ice cubes. And unfortunately, my Illinoisian family members are usually the ones controlling the temperature of my living spaces.
So the AC is fixed now, and I’m walking around in a sweatshirt, still cold, wondering how my family and I could solve this problem. How do we address conflicts that arise from biologically different temperature tolerance? There doesn’t seem to be a clear answer.
- Naturally warm people often claim that “you can only take off so many clothes.” But naturally cold people can just as easily say to turn on a fan, drink cold water, actually take your clothes off and sweat a little bit.
- Admittedly, most people don’t want to walk around without clothes on or drenched in sweat. Fair. But naturally cold people wait all year for summer, and we don’t want to spend our inside summer time wrapped up in blankets and dressed like it’s football season.
- Cold folk can claim that turning the AC up or off will save energy, but warm people can say the same of heat in the winter.
- My mom has a hard time working around the house when it’s 82 degrees (perfect for me and Dad) because she sweats a lot and gets tired easily. Meanwhile I have a hard time working around the house in 72 degrees (perfect for Mom) because my limbs freeze, my hands shrivel up, and my skin dries out. Plus there’s only so much I can do while wearing a blanket.
- Sometimes warm folk tell cold folk to just go outside in summer and warm up there. That’s a common solution for us, believe me. But a lot of our business is not outside when we’re at home. Besides, sometimes it’s cloudy and breezy. Sometimes it’s 72 degrees outside and 72 degrees inside. Why even have the air on at that point?
- I’m sure warm folk would say the same to us if we told them to cool off in cold weather by going outside. The things you need to be doing aren’t generally outside, are they?
- These problems often boil down simply to body type. I do get cold to the bone and shrivel up like a lizard, and it’s because the only place I have body fat is in my skinny thighs. But people with normal or high amounts of body fatdo feel ill and tired when it’s warm because their bodies absorb that heat.
The only solution I can think of is to somehow alternate control over internal temperatures; then it at least won’t be the same people bitching all the time. Everyone will be bitching!
But I have a feeling the feud between the Ice Queens and the Heat Misers will continue as long as humans have the luxury to complain about climate minutia. Because I’m biased, this is for my fellow coldies. Until the planet heats up and we all live in post-apocalyptic outdoor villages, may we huddle in shivering solidarity as the lords of air conditioning dictate our facilities. Warm people, maybe we’ll feel sorrier for you when the world boils over.
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