Setting aside the hatred I had for playing sports when I was younger, the largely ignored ethical problems behind athletic franchises, and the hotheads who spit and drool over even the most banal match, I could summon up some appreciation for sports.
I recognize the time and dedication it takes to develop the skills we see professional athletes perform. I understand that some people legitimately enjoy developing those skills and playing sports themselves, that the odds and statistics behind them are fascinating to many. And I see that following certain teams and players gives many people a community feeling that they may not derive from other sources.
I just don't care. I can't. I've tried, and I don't. And part of me will never understand why others care at all.
I have many friends who feel this way, and I've noticed that those of us who completely exclude ourselves from the crowd of athletic interest are not given much room to say anything about it. People expect us to go on with our not-liking-sports, shut up and leave the rest of the population alone about it.
That would be all well and good if such a thing were possible. Trust me, we would love to do that. I would love to say, "Go on with your bad self," and turn a blind eye to the whole ordeal.
But tell me one place I can go, with the exception of my own bedroom, where I can escape this phenomenon. TVs, radio stations, merchandise, advertisements, casual conversations on the street, casual conversations others strike with me. I feel relatively sheltered from the whole thing at my small, liberal arts university, but I'm still right in the heart of Cardinal country, and god forbid I ever utter the fact that I'm partial to Chicago baseball.
Furthermore, it's almost impossible to bring up the sheer unreasonableness that is the salary of the pro athlete and how useful that money could be elsewhere. Why mention it if everyone around you is so heavily, personally invested in supporting such a thing?
I don't think it's the sports I hate - and I could come up with plenty of reasons to hate sports. I think it's the fact that I'm expected to care and know about this stuff, and truly getting away from it is a legitimate struggle. It's everywhere, and I don't think I could sufficiently express the honest, complete absence of concern I have for it. It's just true, literal zero.
To my sportsy friends: Imagine yourself being completely indifferent to a TV show. Say it's St. Elsewhere (it's probably safe to assume you're indifferent to St. Elsewhere). You don't dislike it, but you've seen it and you have no interest in seeing it again. Meanwhile, everyone around you is constantly talking about St. Elsewhere, analyzing it and speculating about what's going to happen next. You see St. Elsewhere ads and t-shirts everywhere. Everyone is convinced of its genius and significance, and the actors seem to be hailed as gods. Children emulate them, and the virtue of the St. Elsewhere actor rests on the pedestal of human ideals.
So you give it another shot - you think about all the great things you've heard about St. Elsewhere, and you put yourself in the shoes of those who paste the characters onto their walls, and you watch, intently. But it's all for naught - St. Elsewhere is incurably meaningless to you. When people bring it up, you feel a profound sense of boredom wash over you. And should you ever mention in conversation that you're not a St. Elsewhere fan, you find yourself being expected to shut up about it, to stop being a party pooper while everyone else carries on loving it. So you go home, and what is your wife watching? St. Elsewhere.
I can't change how much people care about sports, but maybe I can offer some advice for dealing with those of us who just don't want to hear about it:
First off, stop with the banter about what team we may or may not like, and leave us alone about our disinterest. We don't find it funny or charming - we find it deeply irritating.
If you are friends with us and you know we don't care about sports, it would mean a lot if you would at least try to talk about something else. Anything. Please.
If you find yourself with someone who seems to deeply hate sports and everything sports stands for, recognize the St. Elsewhere conundrum. Keep in mind the possibility that this person wouldn't be so adamant about the issue if they weren't bombarded with sports material whenever they leave the house.
And bottom line: know that we exist. Don't expect everyone at the table to be up to date on your team, and don't place the responsibility on them to be interested. We're not lazy, and we're not diseased - we feel lost in a world devoid of meaning that's dying to pull us in with it. Forgive us when we look out the window trying to find birds to watch instead.
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