Can we all just admit that it’s cruel and horrible?
My impression is that Valentine’s Day gives people unrealistic expectations about how they’re supposed to feel, who they’re supposed to be with, and how they’re supposed to be treated.
Every Valentine’s Day I’ve spent single has brought on feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and regret. The one V-Day when it was complicated was extremely awkward because the holiday was used to press a love interest upon me. I’ve been in the same relationship for the past two, but we’ve been apart for both of them, and I’ve found myself super-susceptible to upsetting stimuli, which puts me in bad moods.
Every year at this time, I feel like I need to be super sexy, either because I should take the opportunity to be “single and ready to mingle” or because I’m with someone I want to surprise or impress for the “special” occasion. Unfortunately, the times I end up thinking I’m super sexy are rarely the times when I’m trying to be.
For instance, I call this “Skirt, Fat Knees and Head Removal on Gravestone”
– credit to Taylor Ingram
Then there’s the pressure of gifts. What do you get a guy for Valentine’s Day that doesn’t make it look like you assume he’s either super sappy, super horny, or a super fatty?
- blog.plndr.com
- stashwax.com
- emmajoyrussell.blogspot.com
Somehow none of these seem like things I would give Kelton on any other holiday.
And what is a guy supposed to do for me? Here Kelton’s put in a position where he could send me flowers and chocolates, buy me diamonds, write me heartfelt love letters, or stand outside my window singing love songs in the rain. What of any of that is sweet and what is too much? I don’t even know.
Meanwhile, when I’m on my anti-crazy pills, I tend to be pretty fine with things every other day of the year. It’s just this day with it’s presumed sweetness and tummy-butterflies that screws me up. That goes for whether I’m in a relationship or not.
So I’m gonna twist this around and get real for a moment. The following are particularly things I think young, single people should consider, having been one of those for most of my life.
- Your relationship status doesn’t determine the quality of your Valentine’s Day.
- Your relationship status doesn’t determine your level of happiness.
- Your relationship status does not define you, nor does it have anything to say about your future.
You know what does determine these things? The way you think.
I’ve had shitty V-Days both in and out of relationships – I’ve cried and poor-me’d in both situations, and it was usually not because of anything that was happening to me, but rather because I over-thought it and assumed other people were happier than I was.
I’ve been hugely happy and hugely unhappy as a single girl and as a girlfriend. Frankly, most of my freshman year in college and this past Christmas break sucked so many balls. Kelton and I were together during both. I’ve juggled a lot of scary options in those times. That sadness had everything to do with my actions and my reactions, not with my external situation, and not with my boyfriend.
In high school, I was surrounded by kids who didn’t understand me and who I didn’t find attractive. I thought I wasn’t the type of person who was lovable for very long, and I found it conceivable that I might end up being a 40-year-old virgin, living alone with lots of cats. Then I had my first kiss with Kelton on my graduation night. Now it looks quite possible (though not set in stone) that I’ll end up being a 40-year-old virg-out (thank you, nerdfighteria, for the virgin antonym), living with someone I love and a bunch of cats.
Me in thirty years?
We’re all going to be unhappy, whether single or madly taken. In my experience, happiness comes as a result of thinking in healthy ways, creating balance, and doing what makes you feel least awful. And drugs…sometimes drugs are part of that equation.
Plug: Zoloft makes me feel a little bit more like these cute cat blob things than I did two months ago. Advice: Power through the digestive agony. It goes away.
- the-alcoholism-guide.org
The important thing to remember today is that it really doesn’t matter what’s going on with your love life. Chances are you’d feel just about the same if things were different. You have the opportunity to make any day special, by yourself or with other people who don’t suck, and you’re free to do that right now.
Besides, love isn’t something that makes a special appearance once a year, and it shouldn’t be treated that way. Up or down, confident or insecure, chill or erratic, funny or weepy, made-up or filthy, attentive or distracted - Kelton has stuck with me for all of that. I never expected when we first started having all the feels that he and I would end up carrying so much weight for each other and being so happy to do it. We’re essentially best friends working on one long project together. If you can find that in anyone else, whether or not it’s romantic, then you know what love means.
Love you, Kelton :)
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