Rethinking Skinny from a Skinny Girl's Perspective

[Originally posted to Tumblr in "Solving Cubes" on Feb 16, 2013]

If you ask an average woman to point out all the problems she has with her body, you’ll likely send her on a tangent with no foreseeable end. We can blame this on the media, on trends, celebrities, hormones, or whatever; but there’s one aesthetic thing that seems to be simultaneously desired and criticized in America: being skinny.

The logic seems sensible enough: skinny means healthy, healthy is sexy, therefore skinny is sexy.

What you might picture as a “healthy woman”

- aliexpress.com

Except this isn’t telling the whole story. This argument contains another underlying, implied statement: healthy means not fat.

And this is far too simplistic. I know hefty girls who are far healthier than I am, if only because they don’t eat as much chocolate as I do. It could also be because they exercise regularly and provide themselves with better nutrients and meal sizes.

Jennifer Lawrence: naturally thicker than I am, and so much healthier.

- justjared.com

Meanwhile, I’ve weighed 122lbs for about six years, during which I’ve been both highly athletic and incredibly lazy, developing the heart of an obese person. I’ve been skinny my whole life and have never really worried about body fat. My hipbones “stick out like a couple of elbows” (thanks Chuck Noblet). I’m also taller than most girls I encounter, which accentuates the skinny. So I’m not referred to as petite or fun-size, or any other cute names like that.

Words of wisdom from Mr. Nobs.

- tumblr

But as coveted as a thin frame seems to be, women often don’t seem to hold my looks in high regard. I’m not called things like slim or slender or lean either, all of which seem to be more commonly associated with gorgeous, elegant women.

No, the words used to describe me regarding my weight boil down to tiny, bony, and skinny.

I fucking hate the word skinny.

Now people tell me that “skinny” is a compliment. All women want to be skinny, so they’re saying I look nice!

But they’re not – I can tell by their tone, context, and further word usage that they’re not. And now that I think about it, it’s rare that I hear the word skinny used in a positive light for either men or women. Pay attention to its usage in everyday life and think about it. Google “skinny girl” and you’ll get ribs galore.

The first result under Google image search for “skinny girl”

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In my experience, “skinny” is used in a more accusatory way, with the implication that a girl who is skinny is trying too hard to impress people and might even need psychological help.

Ever since I hit the age where other girls were growing boobs and butt fat, people have been reminding me how “skinny” I am, as if I do it on purpose. In high school I was commonly asked by the more clueless teens if I was anorexic. People often feel free to speculate out loud about whether or not I’ve lost weight, or if they haven’t seen me in a while will comment about how I’m still as thin as I was when I was twelve. I can’t tell you how often people who don’t know me at all say things like, “Are you eating enough?” and, “Here, have this piece of cake; you look like you could use the weight.”

You know what these words imply? That I look unhealthy and unattractive to you.

Try turning the tables. You see a fat woman and say, “Do you have an eating disorder?” Suppose you say to her, “Gosh honey, how much do you eat?” or “Better put down that piece of cake – you’ve got a little gristle around the haunches.”

In both situations, you’re making assumptions about a woman’s lifestyle, commenting on her appearance in a way that suggests you think she looks unwell. This is insulting, and it has screwed with my body image on and off throughout my life.

Tips for Dealing With Naturally Skinny Girls

1. Keep quiet unless you’re genuinely concerned. If you truly are worried about my eating habits and see unhealthy changes in my weight, then the solution is not to blurt it out shamelessly in front of other people. If you do that, I’m going to assume you don’t really give much of a shit about my health – you just want to comment on the way I look. Meanwhile, if you talk with me in private and ask about it respectfully, I’m likely to be more receptive, grateful that you care to make sure I’m okay. I certainly won’t feel great about myself, but your concern is meaningful to me.
2. Trust that the answers to your questions are truthful. When I tell you that I’m eating the same as I always have, not trying to lose weight, and have never suffered from an eating disorder, please take my word for it. Don’t push me for a different answer just to satisfy your hypothesis. Chances are high I’m telling you the truth, and if I’m not, then you’re not the person I want to talk to about it.
3. Keep in mind that some girls are skinny because of their metabolism, and this is something they cannot change. Eating an extra burger isn’t going to put any more weight on me than would the absence of the burger. I promise. To quote Chuck Noblet again: “I could eat half a strawberry cheesecake at 3am, and I’ll never gain an ounce.” Believe it or not, some woman are like that. I’m not bullshitting you.
4. If you must comment on a skinny girl’s looks, try to use positive words.Thin, slim, healthy, and slender all sound much nicer to me than tiny, bony, and skinny. Also, adding “so” in front of any of these can really change the way your comment sounds.
5. If you find yourself wishing it was more like this for you, know that your womanly body fat is the envy of many skinny girls. Being thinner than most is not necessarily better. I’m not a knockout, I’m not that fit or strong, I haven’t had lots of hot boyfriends, and I don’t typically stand out from the crowd as far as I can tell. Lot of guys don’t dig little butts, slim hips, or A-cups – turns out body fat can be pretty helpful in those categories.

The bottom line is I don’t think this open forum we seem to have about skinny women’s weight is reasonable or excusable. Consider the fact that not all clothes look better on skinny women (lack of shape makes things difficult). Consider the possibility that our body image has suffered too, seeing women with big, perky breasts and bodacious booties and wondering why we can’t have those things. That’s a huge part of womanhood as opposed to manhood, isn’t it? Having breasts, hip fat, and a shapely frame? I guarantee you that the skinny girl on whom you consider commenting has felt like less than a woman at least once in her life simply because she doesn’t enjoy those signature woman curves.

I ain’t never gonna have none-a that. I could do without the face, though.

- sodahead.com

My girls and I shouldn’t be expected to have tougher skin about body comments just because we’re supposedly closer to the ideal than fatter women are. Tread lightly and be respectful – we can tell when you’re bitter about us, and when you want us to change in order to make you feel better about yourself.

I will note before concluding that about 99% of the time, I hear these underweight comments from women. Men might call me too skinny behind my back, but I consider that relatively nice of them. When I do hear things like, “Such a long, thin, gorgeous body,” coming from a guy’s mouth, I chuckle a bit. To my surprise given the things I’ve been told by women, my frame has a place among the beauty parade. I’m fine with my cheetah body.