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There’s not much responsibility going on for me here in Thailand. Not only am I not working or involved in twenty extra-curricular activities, but I have very little homework compared to what I typically have in St. Louis.
This turns into a problem when it comes to actually getting work done, because procrastination is fed by the knowledge that one’s to-do list is reassuringly short.
Every day, I go to the library on campus with the assumption that I’ll be doing homework. That’s only happened once or twice, for scattered moments punctuated by the internet carrying me away to magical, faraway places. Then I get dreamy and usually enter Nap Land.
How I feel all the time in this country. I could easily fall asleep at just about any moment. Try me.
- memegenerator.net
After I end up getting nothing done at school, I come home and sit around my hotel, go to dinner, maybe take a swim, spend time with friends, and suddenly I realize it’s almost time for bed. At that point every night, the internet is taking huge poops as everyone tries to use it at once, and I try to squeeze in a blog project before the day is over.
So the only time left to get my work done is at the crack of the crack of dawn, when the internet works again and I’m finally pressed for time.
And it hit me today as I did my typical library nothing routine:
Procrastination is Fascinating
It’s such an immature, hedonistic thing to do (at least the way I do it, which I know is not uncommon).
It’s such an immature, hedonistic thing to do (at least the way I do it, which I know is not uncommon).
Every day, I go about my business occasionally recalling the work I need to finish, and I think it’s perfectly safe and reasonable to say, “I’ll get that done later.” I do have plenty of time, after all, and since I foolishly believe time is the only factor in question, I make plans to do it later.
Then Later arrives, and the option to work is before me. At that point I become an excuse machine. “I should probably message Person X instead,” I think. “I’ll eat dinner and poop first.” And my personal favorite since it almost always works: “I’ve had a hard day/week/month. I should treat myself to some down time.”
Meanwhile, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my life will be so much better if I just get the shit done immediately. How nice would it be to wander through the week knowing that all my work has been finished far ahead of time?
I know I would be happier, and I remind myself of that, but in the same mental breath I then say, “I’ll start being more proactive tomorrow.”
More pie charts
- lifeslikeaboxofchocolates-gabriella.blogspot.com
So I have this huge rational gap that continues to screw with my plans and my sleep schedule. But what if I tried to cheat this system that seems so impenetrable?
Since I know I’ll get the work done quickly and with decent quality once I’m pressed for time, why don’t I just refuse to think or worry about it until proactive mode sets in naturally?
The thing is, I don’t know if proactive mode will set in naturally if these things aren’t always in the midsection of my mind. I’d be taking a risk there. Plus, I’d still be waking my ass up at 5am to get this stuff done.
The answer is pretty clear: I should just do it now. But I won’t, because as obvious as it is that I’ll be happier if I work now and play later, I’m ensnared by this childish compulsion to keep doing things that immediately feel good.
Writing this post is itself a form of procrastination. So perhaps that’s the up-side. In putting off what needs to be done we sometimes manage to distract ourselves in ways that actually aren’t too terrible for us. The weekend trip I plan, the time spent with people I love, the things I write and draw…they all end up being pretty valuable. Maybe I wouldn’t do those things if I didn’t have something else I was afraid to do instead.
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